I had an incredible dream the other night. And my recall is chrystal clear...I woke up in panic mode along with some deep feelings of inadequacy(the "I never do it quite right - always room for improvement" thing) A frequent pattern throughout my life. I was driving a large bus filled with children going on some kind of a field trip. I know I had done this before too. But there was a detour around the area we had stopped to let the kids go to the bathroom. There was another bus as well being driven by a person I know (my husband's partner's wife)I was showing her the ropes as if training her to "take over, or be added help"? I am not sure. Anyway, the kids are scattered and it is difficult to keep tabs on them. I am frantically doing head counts.....

Meanwhile another person I know, our office manager, steps on the bus and gives me a hug. I feel her stress and think in the dream, she is totally stressed about the office. In the dream, I wonder if she is about to leave....All the familiar feelings of being responsible, not keeping good tabs on the kids, being, perhaps, judged by these two women, as incompetent...and then I awoke...

My analytical mind has been pulling this apart ever since....What are the lessons/messages here? Control, or out of control? Passing the baton on? Seemingly less competent than the other two ladies and being embarrassed by that? An old pattern here? Immediately slipping into the "not quite good enough" especially, with other females. Ahhhhh..I can be my harshest critic.

But this time, I said stop with those negative thought forms. Look at it positively....I was not being irresponsible with those kids...it was out of my control...the need to flow with it....let it go....I am competent...I am good enough just the way I am...am I getting to know my self better? I AM. Aho